Every day unfolds the next step in my journey

Today's meditation centering thought was, every day unfolds the next step in my journey. It's about getting unstuck. This message was about intention and seeking awareness. So I was thinking what is my intention? What do I want? What I want most is Jim. And obviously I know I can't have that. So then, what do I want next most? I think what I want most is peace.

I want to not worry about what was, and what will never be. I want to enjoy the blessings of the present moment.

Merriam Webster defines peace as follows:
Full Definition of peace
1:  a state of tranquility or quiet: as
a :  freedom from civil disturbance
b :  a state of security or order within a community provided for by law or custom <a breach of the peace>
2:  freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
3:  harmony in personal relations
4a :  a state or period of mutual concord between governments
b :  a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity

Peace, then, is the absence of tension, freedom from disquieting thoughts. A state of quiet calm.


One of my walking meditation mantras is "why worry if there is something you can do? If there is nothing you can do, why worry?"

I cannot change the fact that Jim is gone. Yet, it continues for disturb my sense of tranquility. When I leave my awareness of the present moment, when I replay the past. or worry about the future, is when I go out of peace.

There was a song I grew up with, "Let There Be Peace on Earth"  written by Jill Jackson Miller and Sy Miller in 1955. In part, the lyrics go like this:

Let this be the moment now;

...

To take each moment and live each moment

In peace eternally.

Let there be peace on earth

And let it begin with me

So how can I work to stay peaceful? Meditation helps.  Allowing space for happy memories and not dwelling in the sad. By allowing the turmoil to go on around me, but to not let it own me or overtake me. By connecting with people, places and activities that help me find a sense of peace... walking on the beach, enjoying the sunset, sitting by the fire chatitng with friends, petting my dog... all done mindfully and with intention. I can create peace making new memories, finding new ways to be content, to feel loved and safe. By making a commitment every day to live more peacefully. And to let it begin with me.

What, me worry?

I come by my worrying honestly. My mom is a worrier and I am too. But I am working on it. One
of my favorite walking mantras is,

Why worry if there's nothing I can do?

If there's something I can do, why worry?

Worrying...regret over the past or anxiety about the future, only takes us out of the now. And now is all there is.

For most of my life, I'd say almost 50 years, my biggest worry, also a gift from my mother, is 'what would people think?' I'm embarrassed to admit it has been a driving force in many of my (good and bad) decisions. The truth, I know now, is that most people don't notice or care what I do, and even if they do, it doesn't matter, as long as I am true to myself and not intentionally hurting anyone.

Why the switch? I guess I'd have to say it was a gift from grief. When Jim was dying, I really could care less who saw or heard me cry. At one point I was in the hallway outside Jim's hospital room, alone and crouched in a little ball, crying my eyes out. A nurse came up to me and offered the privacy of an empty room. I declined. I wanted to stay close and I was oblivious to how my sobbing might be affecting the other patients in the middle of that darkest night.

That night it was like a switch went off. I really didn't worry about what anyone thought about me. If I wanted to cry, I cried. And I cried a lot. In the middle of the shampoo aisle, in restaurants, in the faculty room. Who was going to judge me? I was a grieving widow!

Blogger Grant Leishman wrote a great post on the silent killer, Worry. He cites the work of self-help 'guru' Andy Shaw.  Leishman writes:

Why do we worry about what others think? You have to ask yourself a simple question. How can what someone thinks about me help me in reaching my goals and dreams in life?
If you are looking for acceptance from your father, mother, partner, friends, or acquaintances, why are you doing it? Just love yourself; don’t ‘try’ to make others give you what you think you want. They can only give you what you allow them to and they can only take from you that which you allow them; others have no power over you unless you give it to them.
If you love yourself, you don't need to seek acceptance, validation or love from others. You can't control other people's thoughts, so don't try - just be the person you need to be...

It has been extremely liberating to stop worrying so much about well - everything! I worry less about what people think. I make choices that are the best for me in this moment. I worry less about the future. There are no guarantees, so I try to make every moment count.  I don't worry about my health or even death. I try to make healthy choices and when my time comes, it comes. I strive for peace, consciousness, mindfulness, gratitude, grace and bliss, for myself and the world.  Worry changes nothing and only takes me out of now.

And now is all there is.