Why I Write

My mother really does not like that I blog about my grief journey. She simply cannot understand why I would share my most intimate feelings with strangers. Heck, she barely shares them with her family. Yes, I hold some things back, but my writing for me is a way to explore my feelings, to poke and prod them and try to make sense of the senseless. Exposing them to the light makes them slightly less scary. 

Some of my friends tire of hearing about my grief. They wonder why, after three years, can't I just let it go. And why oh why do you keep writing about it? Fortunately with time, I've been able to figure out who they are, and to control my feelings enough, to save my darker, sadder thoughts for my friends who can handle it. There's a song by Kenny Chesney where he sings, "the sun's too bright, they sky's too blue,the beer's too cold to be thinkin' 'bout you. So I'll take this heartbreak, tuck it away and save it for a rainy day."

Some days I can manage my grief like that, hide it away. Schedule time to cry. Not always. But my writing does help me. It gives a voice to those 3 a.m. fears. It exposes my dark thoughts to the light. I share my burden and lighten my load.

The old saying 'a problem shared is a problem halved' may have been based on scientific fact, according to a new study cited in The Daily Mail. Researchers have proved that the best way to handle stress is to share your feelings - and sharing with someone in the same situation yields the best results. According to the study, this is because sharing a threatening situation with a person in a similar emotional state 'buffers individuals from experiencing the heightened levels of stress that typically accompany threat', 

Maria Shriver wrote in her Sunday paper, "No one likes being blindsided. It leaves you in a place of doubt, fear, confusion. But once you gather yourself — and that takes different people different amounts of time — you have the chance to use your voice, not just for yourself but for others who feel the same way, have experienced the same circumstances and want the same things."

I am no longer so self-absorbed my my grief that I think I am the only one who has or will go through what I have. Everyone everywhere is fighting some battle. I have the chance to use my voice. To heal me, and maybe in the process, help others.