Out of the Valley: A new binder

Saturday, November 12, 2016

A new binder

I had a dream. In the dream, a student came to me very agitated. He said he couldn't take anymore notes because the notebook he used for science was full. I told him simply to just get a new notebook from the supply cabinet. And then I woke me with a start, The dream was not scary, so I thought there must be something here.

So I thought about it. What about the full binder connected to my life?

My life with Jim was full... Full of love, laughter, passion, security and friendship. We had almost 20 years of love, laughter, tears, loss, challenges and joys. We traveled together and made a very comfortable home. We raised a kind, compassionate, hard working son. We had a good life And that notebook got full. It doesn't mean my life is over. It just means I need to get another notebook, and start filling it with adventures.

1 comment:

MayavedaNovember 14, 2016 at 8:15 PM
beautiful!
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About this blog

On May 3, 2013, a bronchoscopy confirmed my husband, Jim McConnell, who would turn 53 two days later, had stage IV cancer. He fought valiantly, never ever giving up hope, always with a sense of humor. We had shirts made for all of us that read: Cancer Sucks: Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the toughest SOB in the valley. An incredibly short journey of nine months later, I had the joy and sadness of saying good morning to my husband Jim for the very last time. After going through initial stages we all go through, the shock, the numbness, the disconnect I realized I was on a new journey. It was no longer our journey, it was mine alone. I traveled with him into the valley of the shadow of death, but he had to go on alone Where he had to step, it is not yet my time. In the beginning of my solo journey, I pictured myself at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, a beautiful spot, and indeed, my life with Jim, despite his cancer, had been a beautiful life. We were blessed in so many ways. Yet in those long months after his death, I felt I was at the bottom of a very deep, dark, primeval place, my own Phantom Ranch, and I needed all my strength to climb out. I am getting stronger, and now, it’s my turn to take a step on my own, to somehow figure out how to climb out of the valley.